tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3924465588220327742024-03-05T17:31:59.947+11:00Africa or AusHopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.comBlogger190125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-67836177646525211562016-09-11T03:19:00.001+10:002016-09-11T03:20:56.068+10:00Anniversaries<span style="color: blue;"><b>This month, there are three anniversaries...</b></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">The anniversary of my birth....</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">The anniversary of my mother's death less than a week later...</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">The anniversary of my mother's birth, two days after that...</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">I have such mixed feelings about these times this year.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">I have never worried about getting older before, and am not sure that is really my difficulty with my birthday this year. I turn 55.... that magical age when I would be able to have my housing commission unit.... if I was still on the 'quick list', which I'm not at the moment.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">I am more aware that it is unlikely I will be working again for money during my life. My anxiety and depression continue to assail me, even though there has been much progress is discovering my true self over recent years.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">I missed my mother, in the period after my recent surgery... and as I have recovered, I am discovering yet again my rage at my parents for not being 'good enough' parents for me. There are the challenges of processing and finding ways of releasing this rage... which my housemate assures me is larger than 'at my parents', but they are a symbol of all that is wrong in the world. I have run from rage for most of my life and it is a scary thing to begin to find it. A poignant time around the time of the anniversary of mum's death and birth.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">Today I am having a birthday party for my inner circle and second circle of friends. I have 13 people coming and a few who can't. I am continuing astounded at this beloved group of people who have gathered around me over the past 8 years particularly. They bring so much to my life and are teaching me about acceptance and love. I am humbled by their care, and that of others interstate and overseas.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">Maybe rage and love are more closely related that I have been aware.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">Many of my friends rejoice in my exploration of my rage, and affirm me in love...</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">There will be cake, and smarties, and jelly beans, and a balloon, and flowers....</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">And I will be humbled by gifts and cards....</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">And there may even be speeches...</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">Then I will do it again with my family next weekend in Geelong...</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;">That is all!</span>Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-81668936105317256262016-09-08T17:28:00.000+10:002016-09-08T17:30:46.194+10:00Thoughts for Empaths<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Reflections for Compassionate and
Sensitive People (Empaths).<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Introduction<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I used to think that the teachers
and youth leaders around me in my late teens and early 20’s should have known
that I was seriously unwell mentally. I
can look around a room and I ‘know’ who is struggling. Doesn’t everyone do that?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I have learned that not everyone
can do this. Some people are blessed or
cursed with an extra sensitivity and compassion. They ‘look’ at people and ‘see’ them…. Not
just the outside but also something of the inside. They are a gift to the community, and being
one of them can be a challenge.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This article is for them, and for
others who want to understand them and have some insight into the cost of this
gift. Although this is article isn’t
just for people of faith, faith stories will feature in it. Because my
religious heritage is Christian, I will refer to stories from this faith
tradition and its Scriptures and theology.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There are a few initial
paragraphs for mentors, parents, teachers and other mature people who come
across sensitive people, as this article may help you to be able to better understand
those with whom you come in contact. As
my attention focuses more directly on the life experience of sensitive and
compassionate people, I will begin with a theological reflection on the nature
of God and people. This will be followed
by some thoughts regarding sitting with the pain that comes with this gift and
then an exploration of some paradoxes.
Finally there is a much needed section on self-care strategies.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This is a reflection and draws
from my own life experience, reading, and also stories told by other sensitive
and compassionate people I know. These
people are also known as Empaths. It is not academic writing and although some
sources for information will be mentioned, they will not be fully referenced.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: 150%; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">1.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Notes for mentors, teachers,
parents and other mature people who come in contact with sensitive people in
their formative years.<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It can often take many years for
sensitive people to develop a mature self- awareness of their gifts and
contribution to community. It may be
that during their formative years they are described by adults as ‘too
sensitive’, ‘too caring’, ‘too involved’, or even ‘too loud’, ‘too naughty’, or
‘too emotional’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you, as a mentor, have someone
in your group who fits these descriptors, it may be that they are an empath who
can develop gifts that will serve your community and the community at
large. The ‘too sensitive’ descriptor
wounds them deeply and they often think that there is something wrong with
them. Sensitivity is not a curse,
although it may be experienced by many sensitive people as being one, as they
are misunderstood and abused or bullied.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A more helpful approach to
sensitive youths and young adults is one of respect, encouragement and
mentoring to assist them to develop their sensitivity and use it in one-on-one
and group encounters. They do need help
to learn about boundaries and appropriate self-care as discussed below. I trust you will find this article helpful in
developing an understanding about empaths and the role they can play in your
family, school, religious community, social group, and the community at large.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I will now turn my attention to
the experience and challenges of sensitive and compassionate people beginning
with a short theological reflection from a Christian point of view.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">2.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Theological Reflection<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l4 level1 lfo2; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Trebuchet MS";">a.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Nature of God. Compassion and
mercy<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A commonly held
belief in the mystical traditions of world religions is that there is a higher benevolent
power who has some involvement in people’s lives. In the Christian faith, this power is called
God (among other titles, Father, Mother, Spirit, Son, Wind, Wisdom, Water,
Bread, Life…).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The most prominent
characteristic of God in the Christian Scriptures is that he/she is
compassionate. God reveals to Moses him/herself on Mt Sinai as the “The Lord,
the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, and abounding
in loyal love and faithfulness, (Exodus 34:6 NET).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In the Psalms, the
description of God’s lovingkindness and compassion abound. Marcus Borg explains that this word for
compassion or lovingkindness comes from the Hebrew for ‘womblike’. It is like the overwhelming love a mother has
for her child. It often comes up from
the womb for a woman, or the base of the belly for a man. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The Christian
Scriptures talk about Jesus being moved in his bowels with compassion. It is a key characteristic used in reference
to his dealings with the poor and marginalised with whom he often interacted.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Sensitive people
exhibit this essence of compassion, which is a characteristic of God. They also often experience and show mercy to
others, another character trait used to refer to God… who is described as quick
to show mercy and compassion. Mercy is related
to lovingkindness in that it flows out from one to another, and brings
healing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As the Good Samaritan
showed mercy on the man who was beaten up by bandits on the road to Jericho. God shows mercy to the people of the world by
offering them a relationship with him/her, and putting a desire in people’s
hearts for ‘something more’… If they have the space and quiet to hear this
voice. God’s womblike love and mercy is
reflected through sensitive people to the community and through this there
arise feelings of connectedness and healing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l4 level1 lfo2; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Trebuchet MS";">b.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Creation History: Nature of people.<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There
are two main ways to talk about history for Christian people. One is redemption history, which focuses on
the story of Jesus and his actions and death.
Creation history which is also clear in the Scriptures has tremendous
value when considering the outworking of compassion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">One
of the foundations of creation history is that men, women and children are formed
in the image of God and have intrinsic value, and the capacity to relate to the
divine. Some would say that all people,
and in fact, all of the universe reflect God in their nature in some way or
another. This viewpoint is significant
when reflected upon in terms of who needs to receive compassion and when. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Creation
history points to the fact that all people are worthy to be treated with
compassion, whatever their race, gender, age, sexual orientation, deeds,
religion, politics or any other divisive factor. Compassion is genuinely inclusive. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Sensitive
people gain an increased capacity to appreciate this as they grow in years and
spiritual awareness. They tend to be
non-dual thinkers, as Richard Rohr talks about, accepting of all people and
being willing to find the good even in those who seem most difficult to
love. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I
have a friend who tells a story about her son when he was about 10. They had a conversation that went something
like this.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Rob:
“Mummy, did God create everything?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Mum:
“Yes, Rob, he/she did.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Rob:
“Even Darth Vader?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Mum:
after a pause, “Yes, even Darth Vader.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Rob:
“Then Darth Vader was a saddie, not a baddie.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This
is something that empaths are often able to see. That ‘bad’ people are often ‘sad’ people… who
have been wounded and are taking their wounds out on those around them. This may put them at odds with their peers
and with society’s judgements about who is good and who is bad. This doesn’t mean that sensitive and
compassionate people don’t make judgements and have prejudices according to
elements in their own shadow self… but they tend to be less judgemental than many
others in society.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">3.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Sitting with the pain<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Trebuchet MS";">a.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Personal story<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In
my experience, sensitive and compassionate people have a story of their own
personal pain, often from a young age.
This contributes to the paradox of wounded healers which will be dealt
with more fully in a following section.
One of the challenges this brings, is that although these people often
end up in some type of caring profession, the practice of this profession can
come at great personal cost. This is
especially the case if one’s own issues haven’t been identified and are not
being processed with help. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In
my own experience, I became a nurse, then a teacher and finally a
chaplain. I lived a double life. On the one hand, I was experiencing intense
emotional and psychological pain, and on the other hand, I was competent and
acknowledged as being a proficient and effective carer of others. This pattern asserted itself as early as my
high school years. I have heard stories
of others with similar experiences. I
dealt with the incongruence of my psychological life and my work and relational
life by a high degree of dissociation. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This
is a highly unhelpful and unsustainable way to live. Yet it can be part of the pain of being a empath. The ability to sense the needs of those
around one, leads to a response, often at the long term cost of the carer’s own
mental and physical health. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Of
course, not all sensitive people are like this.
Some have had balanced lives and caring and supportive families, but I
suspect that some degree of early pain has enabled them to see through the
‘layers’ of others and perceive that which may be hidden from the general
public. This is part of ‘living with the
pain’. The challenge is to undertake a
lot of boundary work, so that one makes sure that they are caring for themselves
as well as caring for others. Knowing
when to say ‘NO’, and to move on is a crucial part of this and will be dealt
with more fully in the following section on boundaries.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
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</span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Trusting the other (and spirit)<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A
significant strategy for sitting with the pain of open eyes and heart is to trust
in the other and their own capacity to process their own experience. It is not helpful to be the rescuer, for
either the carer, or the person in need.
Sensitive and compassionate people can learn that they are not
responsible for the other’s wellbeing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There
is much they can do to assist the person they perceive is hurting, angry, or
distressed, through approach, saying hello, a gentle touch when appropriate,
and engaging in conversation so that the person knows that they have ‘been
seen’. In many casual encounters such
strategies may be all that are required.
The person goes away from the encounter encouraged that they have been
seen and have made a connection.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There
are other times when in-depth connection and listening will occur quite spontaneously. It may be appropriate after these
conversations to refer people to professional help. If the sensitive person is in a professional
role already, one of the keys to maintaining their own health, is to trust the
process and the capacity of the other, as mentioned above, however slow or
poorly developed this may be. I believe
that the power of Spirit is released in all profound encounters and often the
work that is done by the individual between encounters has more significance
for their growth than the actual encounter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This
is trusting the person, their resources, and spirit. I am (and you are) not responsible to make
someone feel better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
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</span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Trusting self<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Sensitive
and compassionate people need to trust themselves as well as trusting the
other. They can have a tremendous
resource and insight into the hearts of others and it is integral that they
learn to listen to their own ‘gut’ or ‘heart’ as to whether they are in a place
where they can respond to the things they see or feel.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As
has been mentioned earlier, it is okay to say, ‘no’. This doesn’t have to be a
verbal no, but can be an internal one, as a person is aware of their own
available resources at any given time. A
highly sensitive person, in a group setting, can be assaulted on all sides by
others’ emotions, and it is important for them to be learning to know
themselves well, so as to be able to assess when it is appropriate to respond.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Another
aspect of trusting oneself, is in knowing that whatever is offered is ‘enough’
for that moment. This can be through the
gentle acknowledgement of someone’s pain or through a referral to professional
care. An empath can also learn to trust
in their capacity to see/feel. This
capacity can be developed through practice and training. It is always necessary to check with the one
who is been seen as to whether the perceived emotion is really present or is a
projection of something within the one doing the seeing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">These
things and others are all part of learning to trust oneself in the context of
your interactions with others.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
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</span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Boundaries<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Much
has been written about personal and relational boundaries over the past 30
years. The most commonly known writers
and lecturers in Christian circles on the topic of inter-relational boundaries
are Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend who wrote the seminal books on Boundaries. For further information about how to relate
to others within appropriate boundaries please refer to them. Following,
however, is a short segment about keeping to one’s boundaries, as it is an
integral need for sensitive and compassionate people in order for them to
maintain robust mental and emotional health.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A
therapist I have done work with, uses hula hoops in her practice to help her
clients to clarify elements of their relationships which are within their
boundary and those that are without.
Boundaries are essentially the extent of our personal space and
responsibility. They define ‘what is
mine’ and ‘what belongs to someone else’.
Healthy boundaries have gates that can allow people and experiences in
or out. They protect the person from the
effects of abuse, and allow him or her to grow to their full potential. When these boundaries are violated, anger is
the resulting emotion. If not dealt with this anger can turn inward and show
itself as a depressive illness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">All
people need to develop healthy boundaries and an awareness of where ‘I’ stop
and ‘the other’ begins. I am responsible
within my boundary for my attitudes, behaviours, feeling, values, decisions
etc. I am not responsible for others’ attitudes, behaviours, feelings, values
and decisions. I can only deal with what
I am responsible for.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Empaths
need to work hard to develop good boundaries, as there is a strong temptation
for them to take responsibility for what someone else is feeling or doing. This is extremely unhealthy and will only
lead to increased stress and emotionally instability. In order to do this, it is often necessary
for them to have someone to debrief with after a significant encounter with
someone with high needs. Clarifying what
is theirs and what belongs to the other enables them to go forward with peace
and good mental health. Others’
emotional needs and responses can trigger responses in the sensitive person
interacting with them, which have nothing to do with the other, but are part of
the sensitive person’s own story.
Healthy boundaries help one to learn to be aware of whose issue belongs
to whom. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Because
sensitive and compassionate people may have been wounded in their early years,
they may not have a healthy awareness of their own boundaries. This is where reading books like Cloud and
Townsend, or watching their DVDs, can be helpful. Another useful tool is to have their own
professional help or supervision.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
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</span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The place of emotion <o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It
is not uncommon for an empath to have an emotional reaction to someone else’
story or pain. This is quite appropriate
and is part of what makes them a sensitive person. A question arises about how much of this
reaction should be revealed in the encounter with the other. Or to put it more simply are tears, anger, or
some other emotional response appropriate?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I
believe that showing an emotional response in the context of hearing someone’s
story is appropriate within the boundaries we have spoken about above. Care needs to be taken as to whether the
emotion is arising from the other’s story or out of the listener’s own
story. Often this is hard to
differentiate, as the resonance between stories is one thing that gives these
encounters such power to bring healing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The
way emotion is shown depends on the relationship between the two people, or
person and group, who are sharing together.
Some of the different types of relationships are those between
strangers, acquaintances, close friends, or therapist and client. In my experience I have found that a genuine
expression of emotion in reaction by the listener to the story I am telling has
been most helpful and healing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">One
of the things to keep in mind, is whether the emotion being triggered is
appropriate for the story being told, or whether it is arising from a deeper
place within the listener’s own story.
If this is the case, it can overwhelm the one telling the story and the
encounter moves from being a healthy one to an unhealthy one. Or to put it more simply, the one in need can
become burdened by the sensitive person’s own story and need.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
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</span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Self-care<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">By
the very nature of their personality and life experience, empaths are
sensitive. As such, their hearts are
touched by others’ stories. For them to
maintain a balanced and healthy life, self-care is essential. I have devoted an entire section at the end
of this document to explore various ideas about how one can take care of
oneself and not become burnt out by the bombardment of awareness of other
people’s needs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">4.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">The Paradox<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 36.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There are areas of
paradox in encounters sensitive people have with others. By paradox, I mean elements in which two
seemingly opposing things can be true at one time. I have identified three of these in this
section and will comment on them briefly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Wounded healer<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As
has been noted above, often a sensitive person is someone who has had their own
personal wounds through life. These can
come from their experience in their family of origin, sexual abuse, grief and
loss, trauma, bullying, work, family, and any number of other things. One of the paradoxes of empaths is that they
are usually wounded healers. It is
because of their experiences of difficulty that they are able to see and
understand what others are feeling.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This
is one of the reasons I gave the previous section the title, “Sitting with the
pain”. The resonance that comes in the
encounter between the sensitive person and the one they are listening to, is
the ‘deep calling to deep’ which is talked about in the Psalms. (Psalm 42:7): The wound resonating with the other’s
wound. It is a gift and a paradox and
there is a price paid due to this truth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
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</span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Gifts received and gifts given<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Gifts
given and received is another paradox that is part of encounters between empaths
and those who are hurting. It is common
for both parties to leave the encounter with a feeling of encouragement and of
having received a gift. Maybe this is
true of all deep encounters between people and is part of what oils community. Hurting people have much to give. Their very vulnerability can be ‘gift’, even
though they often find this hard to believe.
This is especially true if there are good boundaries on behalf of the
one doing the listening.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Trebuchet MS";">c.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Power and powerlessness<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A
final paradox that I will deal with here is that of power and
powerlessness. A sensitive person can be
in a position of great power. Their
ability to sense the emotions of others can give them the power to wound or
hurt someone even further, although this may rarely by the course they
take. They also have power to offer the
other a feeling of being seen as talked about earlier. This is a tremendous gift. Like a pure
diamond or pearl.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Yet,
at the same time there is real powerlessness.
Ultimately the other’s response to their wounds is up to them. If someone is in an intense phase of grief,
even the most sensitive listening cannot assuage that grief. Often the amount of help that can be offered
in a casual setting is limited because of the sensitive person’s own maturity,
training and experience. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Yet…
There is a ‘balm in Gilead’, as the prophet Jeremiah talks about. As has been mentioned earlier, the resonance
of a deep interpersonal encounter has its own intrinsic power.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: 150%; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">5.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Self-care<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 36.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Empaths need to pay
rigorous attention to self-care. This is
part of their boundary. Because their
hearts resonate with others so profoundly, they need to make sure they do all
they can to maintain optimal mental, spiritual, emotional and physical health,
or they risk the danger of becoming burnt out and being unable to use the
unique gifts that have been entrusted to them for the benefit of the community.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 36.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">What follows is by no
means an exhaustive list, but I trust the reader will find some ideas that may
be helpful for them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo5; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Trebuchet MS";">a.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Boundaries <o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">(Refer
above)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo5; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Trebuchet MS";">b.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Spirit<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Prayer;
Meditation; Reflection; Liturgy; Music; Worship; Letting go; Quiet; Scripture;
Religious gatherings; Inspirational books…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 90.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo5; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Trebuchet MS";">c.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heart<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 2.0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Nature; Music; Candles
and lights; Liturgy; Mindfulness; Colouring; Painting; Drawing; Journaling; Craft;
Creativity; Mandalas; Poetry; Quiet…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 90.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 90.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 90.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo5; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Trebuchet MS";">d.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Body<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 2.0cm; text-align: justify; text-indent: -2.7pt;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Rest
(sleep, movies, TV, music, quiet, time with friends…); Diet (fluids, balanced and
varied nutritious food intake…); Exercise (walks, gym, dance…)…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 90.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: 150%; margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo5; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Trebuchet MS";">e.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Community <o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 2.0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; text-align: justify; text-indent: -2.7pt;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Debriefing,
either with close mature friends, in formal therapy or supervision; Friends; Laughter;
Groups; Parties…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 2.0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; text-align: justify; text-indent: -2.7pt;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Closing remarks and conclusion.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Being
an empath is not an easy journey through life and it can be a rich and
rewarding one. When a friend, loved one,
or acquaintance is suffering, the sensitive and compassionate person can often
feel this suffering in their very being, in their gut, as was talked about
earlier.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Learning
the lesson of not carrying the other’s pain in my own body has been key for
me. I can’t help but feel the pain, but
I don’t have to carry it. This has only
come about by learning how to develop clear boundaries between myself and
others, and also the limits of my own resources and responsibility, in the
light of another person’s need.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I
have needed professional help over a number of years to begin to learn how to
live with the gift I have to give to the community. There is no shame in this and I would
encourage other people who identify as empaths, to have good solid support and
guidance as they develop their gift in all its fullness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I
trust that this article has been helpful for sensitive and compassionate people
as they learn and grow into deeper awareness.
I also trust that it has helped those who relate to empaths to treat
them with compassion and respect and not to expect too much of them. To be aware of the feelings of others in a
room full of people is a burden and a gift.
Sometimes, empaths just get tired and run out of resources. I trust that their families and friends can
continue to love and respect them when this happens.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Take
care, take courage, and keep growing…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">Hope, Australia.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-24696799380171127742013-09-19T09:23:00.002+10:002013-09-19T09:24:19.979+10:00Refugees......<h2>
<span style="color: red;"></span><b style="color: red;">Refugees....</b></h2>
<span style="color: blue;">Welcome the alien and stranger among you.....</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: blue;">I have been awake since the early hours with a heavy heart at Australia's current response to refugees... it is inhumane, lacking in compassion and dignity and down right wrong....</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: blue;">How can I respond. I have already written to the Prime Minister... I follow the Centre for Asylum Seekers Facebook page and keep up with the information...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: blue;">However, I've been thinking this morning that I need to turn off my 'like' to that page - and to other feeds that come from people opposing our extreme right wing government - because the knowledge of these issues cause me such grief and anxiety...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: blue;">I know the knowledge can lead me to pray and call out to God, which I was and have been doing this morning </span><span style="color: blue;">- but other times I feel like I have enough anxiety and grief to carry in my own life and those of my friends that world issues seem too hard..</span><br />
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
To find a way to be informed and compassionate - without carrying the load?????</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;">It is so hard for me to do...</span><br />
<br />
<div style="color: blue;">
Oh that there will be a rising up from ordinary Australians to cry out for compassion for these people fleeing war and terror and torture, in no small way caused by wars we have been involved in or started....</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;">My spirit groans within me....</span>Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-23957812060334394562013-09-06T07:40:00.001+10:002013-09-06T07:43:28.057+10:00Write!<h2 style="color: red;">
<b>I read yesterday: </b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;"> </span></span></h2>
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">Now is the time to start a journal..........</span></span></b></span></i><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">And I remembered..... I used to do that.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;"> So much has happened... now I live in my two rooms under the stairs - light, my things, privacy, mostly..... radio, TV, painting, and me.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">I don't do much painting.......... not much at all.... I would like to do more.....</span></span><br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">My little sister has breast cancer.</span></span></b><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">It is Stage 3 - her PET scan showed some markers in her liver.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">She is scheduled for probably a year and a half of chemotherapy.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">Surgery after the first 6 months and radiotherapy following that.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">She has to work - she has 6 of her 7 kids at home - the youngest is 8 - her husband is unwell, and can't do very much.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">My heart aches...</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">It gives me a pain deep in my chest and belly...</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">If I could only DO SOMETHING!!!!!</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">I remain unwell - some days my anxiety is 9 out of 10 - that is very hard...</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">Some days - my depression strikes and I walk my depression walk, slow and measured. Barely having the energy to put one foot in front of the other and stay upright - let alone have a coherent conversation with anyone. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">Those days are very long. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;"><b>My mum has cancer too</b> - it is gradually closing over her oesophagus. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">She can still swallow...</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">She can still walk... slowly, carefully - with her frame and her limping crooked leg.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">She still remembers things and people - even if often all she can talk about is the time.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">She is in care...</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">When she can't swallow anymore, she will die... </span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">She turns 87 in 2 weeks...</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">She says she is content and ready...</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;">That will do for today... </span></span>Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-31565238708064273952013-02-03T17:35:00.004+11:002013-02-03T17:35:43.592+11:00Lentan FastLent is almost upon us....<br />
<br />
Lent is almost upon me ---- week after this week, I believe...<br />
<br />
Have an opportunity to go to an Ash Wednesday service and be anointed with ashes...<br />
<br />
I'll do that!<br />
<br />
Have been sitting here, looking at my prayer candle and prayer picture and wondering what my Lentan Fast could be this year. <br />
<br />
I didn't have one last year.... I fasted a feast of gratitude the year before...<br />
<br />
In my new world...<br />
my new home... place to live... as nowhere is home...<br />
my new news that my mother's cancer has returned in her throat and she doesn't want any treatment...<br />
my changes in availability of best friends...<br />
my foray into developing new friends....<br />
<br />
In my anxiety....<br />
<br />
In my need for exercise and a good diet - yet total lack of motivation... where did last year's motivation go??????? I wonder?????<br />
<br />
What will be my Lentan Fast??? <br />
<br />
I don't know.... maybe I need to sit with that question for a while -<br />
Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-41437326516007322792012-08-19T20:09:00.003+10:002012-08-19T20:13:46.691+10:00The way home......<div style="color: blue;">
I carry a small white stone in my pocket, most of the time...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
It reminds me that there is a way home...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
Like Hansel and Gretel....</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
Home seems a long way away....</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I wonder if I have ever been there...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I play with my stone and feel its shiny, marbled whiteness...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I hold it in my pocket when I'm anxious...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
Sometimes I long for home with a longing that is beyond words...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
Almost beyond feelings...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I used to draw a house with a chimney and the lights on and an open door, at the top of an endless cliff... with a swing in the tree outside...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I drew the picture over and over again...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I don't draw it any more....</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I don't know where home is, but somehow don't think it it out there somewhere...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
Somehow I need to find the home in the silence of my heart and soul...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
Maybe I won't be so restless then...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
That would be nice..........................</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;">I carry my home finding stone.... with the tiniest hope that I will find my way someday.</span>Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-1635388224840162842012-07-28T15:16:00.002+10:002012-07-28T15:16:20.138+10:00Dreams<h2 style="color: red;">
<b>"Do you think dreams can come true?" (Seachange)..</b></h2>
<div style="color: blue;">
Do I think dreams can come true?</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dreamed today about being less riddled with anxiety and that has been true.</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dream about belonging and I don't know if that will ever come true.</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dream about existing for myself and for others as a real person with thoughts, feeling, desires, and will... what can I do to make that come true?</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I found my fridge magnets today... I used to dream about that, so that came true.</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I also found my tea dispenser - so I can drink my Kenyan and herbal tea... that is a good thing.</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dream about having glasses I can see with...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dream about having friends over...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dream about being able to read books again...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dream about silence, within and without...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dream about putting precious stones in the gtound of my being so that the shape and colour and texture changes...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dream about having hope...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dream about haivng more than one day in a row when I don't want to hurt myself...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dream about life... I dream about death... invigeration & desolation; energy & lethargy; motion & inertia...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dream about finding the fire in my belly and harnessing it for good...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dream about being myself - being true to myself, with due care and compassion and tolerance for others...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dream about saying no to the gingerbread man and the cake...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dream about not being afraid....</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dream of Africa... over and over again. Wild raging dreams often filled with danger and fear.</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dream about knowing God and being known by him/her in a way that I know...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dream of friends I truly trust and that starts with trusting myself...</div>
<div style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: blue;">
I dream about not carrying the weight of pain, anxiety and depression..</div>
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<br /></div>
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I dream of hope...</div>
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.....of dancing in the sunshine</div>
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......or sitting in a comfy chair drinking tea with friends...</div>
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<span style="color: blue;">Do dreams come true?????</span>Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-56143298192936446112012-07-05T18:37:00.000+10:002012-07-28T15:19:51.230+10:00HasslesI have been off the air for a while.. My computer has been away for repairs and was a bit of a mess before that. The past few days have been very stressful, as I have had to take my car to the panel beaters for repairs to some scratched paint from a bump a number of weeks ago. It made me realize that my capacity to cope with stress remains under developed. It is a relief to have the car and the computer back now and the internet connection working as well.<br />
<br />
I am house sitting the resident dog - a Jack Russell - until next Wednesday. Not too hard, feeding and water, and some tablets that he needs to take. <br />
<br />
I wish I could say that life is improving, but often all I can feel are the bumps that come along the way. I do have some new friends though, which has been a joy. I am very thankful for the friends who encourage me so much in so many areas.<br />
<br />
<br />Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-74305373511066839212012-06-06T11:13:00.003+10:002012-06-06T11:13:54.487+10:00RespiteI have the wonderful opportunity to spend 2 nights and 3 days with friends in their beautiful spare room - built as a retreat - heating/cooling, TV, tea and coffee and fridge, en suite with bath made to lie down in and scented oil and candles - green to see from the windows, a little balcony - if it wasn't too cold for it. Only 5 minutes walk from a creek walking trail....<br />
<br />
Books to read - home cooked food -<br />
<br />
It should be bliss - but it also gives time for reflection which can be painful. Still I have use of my friend's computer now, so can keep in touch with people. and oh yes... I forgot to bring my CD's and the music on my phone is on shuffle! so gives me a real mixture! and it is designed for walking, not reflecting...<br />
<br />
Can't have everything. I'll be better prepared next time! Thankful for dear friends who share their lives with me.<br />
<br />
<br />Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-43993641113155639352012-05-22T18:29:00.002+10:002012-05-22T18:29:30.996+10:00BuggerIt is pretty bad when your life's goal is to learn how to somehow be more content with your own company - and you can't imagine how that could ever happen.<br />
<br />
When you go to bed each day wondering how you will be able to get up the next morning, and yet somehow you always do.<br />
<br />
When sometimes going through the motions of life is just not enough....<br />
<br />
But that seems to be all there is....Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-66979203909863975192012-05-03T08:06:00.000+10:002012-05-03T08:06:01.948+10:00It's timeIt's time to move the profound expression of grief off the front page of my blog - not that the grief has passed, but the intensity has eased somewhat. I remain in a conundrum about what to do about church - well not really, I have decided that I will look around at other churches. Somehow regular conventional church just doesn't do it for me any more - although I know it isn't all about me.<br />
<br />
I have been to visit a 'church of disappointment' for 3 Sundays. They minister to the marginalised and have a professional, yet spontaneous type of worship. People with mental health issues may call out during the sermon, there is the noise of the children during the main part of the service, until the sermon, some people in wheelchairs come, who are extremely disabled, homeless people wander in off the street, street girls come in and light a candle and cross them selves at the altar, while the sermon is on. The service breaks for morning tea just before the message, and there is a shared lunch afterwards. The ministers are kind, thoughtful, sensitive and gentle. And they have couches - a big bonus for me. I like it there. They have communion every week, and you go up and receive it from the servers in the aisles. My only problem is that it is a bit far from where I live. But it may be a place of healing, that I can attend for a while.<br />
<br />
I am still linked with my other church because of some groups I'm involved with there - the big question is - do I let those groups go or not??? One only lasts til the end of July. I can wait that long surely. How do I discern about whether to let the other group go or not - when we reach the July holidays. My gut tells me to, my guilt tells me not to. I guess it shouldn't be too difficult to know which one to follow! :) .<br />
<br />
<br />Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-58754661955482343442012-03-12T20:14:00.000+11:002012-03-12T20:14:47.050+11:00GriefThis week has been another week when I have been experiencing real and profound grief....<br />
<br />
What do you do with the ache in your heart and body, that is just with you day and night?<br />
<br />
What do you do with the hopeless thoughts that come?<br />
<br />
What do you do with the tears, and wracking sobs... that don't seem to stop forever?<br />
<br />
What do you do, when life still goes on around you, and the washing, the showering, the teeth, the food, and the driving still needs to be done?<br />
<br />
What do you do when connection is so very essential... and people offer the ocnnection they can, which is gratefully received... and some balm... and the ache remains as you walk away....<br />
<br />
How do you explain to the doctor the grief that sounds like it is 'such a ittle thing'?... when for you it isn't?<br />
<br />
How do you cope when there is grief upon grief ... and then others you know nothing about... yet... but your body knows?<br />
<br />
How do you sit with the essential existential loneliness of that grief - and not become burdened by others' grief over the same loss?<br />
<br />
Why do you sit in the counsellor's room and talk simply and unemotionally about how the week has been - like your mouth is cut off from your heart?<br />
<br />
Is it true that movement towards acceptance of the loss is possible? Is it true that movement itself is possible?<br />
<br />
People leave, and others can't take their place - and it is just a reminder in my body of all the abandoments of forever.....<br />
<br />
What to do when no amount of care is enough.... and the energy to do the things that could bring life... like swimming... is so lacking?<br />
<br />
Sleep evades... heart aches.... composure is contained....Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-18306198301262557142012-02-05T15:23:00.001+11:002012-02-05T15:23:31.017+11:00Anxiety........I am thinking about anxiety today.....<br />
I am in the process of decreasing my day time anti anxiety meds... I reckoned I was still feeling considerable anxiety while taking the meds... so I may as well go off them and look for alternative strategies to cope with feeling anxious....<br />
<br />
Not sure how well that is working....<br />
<br />
Was reading today about a God who looks after me... and wondering why I still feel so anxious so much of the time.... <br />
<br />
I know that the ongoing process of learning to be 'in the present moment' is part of the solution, and also knowing my feelings in that moment - and processing the things that are happening to me... instead of waiting for 2 days to have a reaction that I can pin point....<br />
<br />
There is the balance between activity, people contact, and down time... I don't handle the down time well... I also know that now that I have started swimming twice a week... that this can help - and know in my head, that more exercise would help more - Can't change everything at once.<br />
<br />
Today the extreme wind we are having has been exacerbating my anxiety - at least I managed to close the latch the window in my room so it isn't banging anymore....<br />
<br />
My counsellor reckons that as I become more integrated as a person, my anxiety will ease.... Hmmmmmmmm.......Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-19557149666521250662012-02-03T11:25:00.000+11:002012-02-03T11:25:04.938+11:00African ChildMy last visit to Kenya was in 1996 and I was overcome with all consuming overwhelming grief during the entire 10 days I was there. Grief for the childhood Kenya which seemed to have changed so much. Grief for the loss of relationships from my childhood and teenage years... and grief that I didn't even know about...<br />
<br />
I vowed at that time that I would never go back to Kenya again - that whatever had been there for me was gone...<br />
<br />
I have discovered in the past week that my African child is still part of me... that she has been hidden and 'lost' for many years, but due to a friend's recent trip to Africa to visit her missionary daughter and her family - this lost African child has demanded to be noticed. It has been unsettling and scary as my 'community of selves' has had to move around to find a space for her.<br />
<br />
My African child experiences Africa with pleasure and with all the senses - she is expansive and knows joy... something that I have had so little of for so many years. I have dug up the few Africa photos I have left, having thrown most of them away when I was moving ... and started the process of scanning them. <br />
<br />
My friend who just came back from visiting her family - has put forward the idea that I could go to Kenya with her sometime in the next couple of years! Maybe that would be helpful in my healing.. to have some connection between my Australian life and my Kenyan life. I have no idea about how this could possibly happen. But I wouldn't even have considered it 6 months ago...<br />
<br />
So..... welcome African child.... I trust you will find a space within me and teach me some of the things you know....<br />
<br />Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-75736810693799422042012-01-08T15:22:00.002+11:002012-01-08T15:22:57.066+11:00Duplex... situationsDoing things hard today...<br />
<br />
My gifted and caring pastor had to resign due to a church conflict in late November...<br />
<br />
I got word in the past day or so, that a very dear Malagasy friend and pastor - has been kicked out of his church where he has pastored for 12 years... with much resistance from the power brokers, because he wouldn't play their game... and they have won now.<br />
<br />
My australian pastor still has somewhere to live... my Malagasy pastor and his family (youngest 4 months old) have had to move from the manse and I expect will be crowded into one room in the home of family members...<br />
<br />
My Australian pastor has received his entitlements.... my Malagasy pastor has had to leave with about 7000 dollars owing from the 12 years he has been there, when he has been underpaid... and no entitlements...<br />
<br />
It sounds like I'm comparing the situations... just that I'm so grateful that our freedoms and unions and culture allow for people who have been 'moved on' to be cared for sometimes... not like in Madagascar... were there is no care...<br />
<br />
Both situations break my heart - and I am feeling very sad today, and distressed... I wish there was something I could do to help both of these men and their families ... and I have nothing to offer - except my care and prayers... and it just hurts...<br />
<br />
Really badly...<br />
Really, really badly....<br />
<br />Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-58820811904904500842012-01-02T15:39:00.003+11:002012-01-02T15:39:22.336+11:00Revisiting 2011<i> Where have you met Christ in 2011?</i><br />
<i> </i>in friends, in events, in the environment, in provision, in reconciliation, in quietness<i>, </i>in our minister<i></i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>thankfulness </i>- What did God unwrap for you in 2011? & What are you thankful for?<br />
new place to live, some good connections with those I care about, a new psychiatrist, no problems with my car or computer, enough to live on, through the thoughtful generosity of people, some things about myself that I actually like... as hard as they are to remember...<br />
<br />
<i>sorrow</i> – What have you lost in 2011 & What are you leaving behind? <br />
ongoing sorrow for many things... so many that I haven't left behind yet... I have lost a level of fitness and am disappointed about that, left my old home of 5 years, moved further away from my support and friendship base...,<br />
<br />
<i>gift</i>
– What gifts from the past year can you carry into the next?<br />
my gifted and insightful counsellor, a measure of physical health, new meds that seem to be helping a bit better, deeper connections with my family, fledgling friendships to be developed, a small group to lead...<br />
<br />
<i>fear</i> – What are your fears and worries for the year ahead<br />
so many unnamed and undefined anxieties.... that some how... I will stuff it all up.... <br />
<br />
<i>hope</i> – What are your hopes for the coming year?<br />
a hint of more contentment, and maybe a moment or two of joy, increasing confidence in the things I used to do well before, deeper friendships, a new friend or two... stability in my living situation for the time being...<br />
<br />
That's enough for now and for this venue...Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-57371289434908975622011-12-29T18:54:00.004+11:002011-12-29T18:55:04.759+11:00Advent.... How did it turn out???So... how did Advent turn out?<br />
Somehow I found myself a few days out from Christmas, lost and lonely and distressed... feeling like I had lost my way on the journey to Bethlehem...<br />
I was discouraged that all the preparation I had made seemed to have turned back on itself.<br />
<br />
I walked through a prayer labyrinth - and the first station was the Wise Men... and the questions asked me to think about and get in touch with the parts of me that plan and prepare, and put those plans into action.<br />
<br />
I felt such overwhelming grief and anger - for the excellent planning skills I have used in the past - that now seem to have been swallowed up in the pit of depression and my mental illness. I wanted to move from my spot on the labyrinth - and lie on the floor towards the altar of the church, on my stomach, and pound my fists into the carpet... But of course you 'don't do that'....<br />
<br />
I felt such disappointment in myself that I had prepared so well for Christmas, but had forgotten about planning things for the days in the last week before going to spend some time with my sisters in another town...<br />
<br />
However, the days passed - I am at my sister's home, will be leaving on Monday... time to think tomorrow about New Year 2012.<br />
<br />
I am carrying around with me, a little white stone, given to me by my counsellor... it is to remind me that I can 'find the way home' - if I just listen and pay attention.... The stone 'has my name on it'... It has brought me great comfort.<br />
<br />
Paying attention is a good thing.....<br />
<br />Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-5059058248620021782011-12-05T18:26:00.001+11:002011-12-05T18:35:16.107+11:00Advent???I have been looking forward to Advent...<br />
And didn't mind the first few readings in my book, Mary's Diary...<br />
That is where I ended up with a list of things about myself that I actually like...<br />
<br />
But today.... I'm just angry.<br />
Angry at talk about belonging, being chosen, being loved, and being noticed...<br />
I don't feel like many of those things are happening for me just at the moment...<br />
I don't want to hear about these things I long for happening for someone else...<br />
<br />
Today I have wanted to curl up in bed and never move again...<br />
I have thought various unhelpful thoughts... still think.....<br />
Sometimes chocolate biscuits just aren't enough...<br />
<br />Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-81709343671466162262011-11-30T18:08:00.001+11:002011-11-30T18:14:14.311+11:00LonelinessDon't have any wise platitudes and confident phrases today....<br />
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Sometimes I can have spent time with people and not have been touched in that deep place that yearns so much to be nurtured... like at my group break up today...<br />
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When is it time to reach out? and when is it time to sit with the loneliness and know that this is part of life... certainly a big part of my life?<br />
<br />
And, I'm tired... what use is that?<br />
<br />
Hmmmmm.........<br />
<br />
Often tele doesn't cut it either.............Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-68938142887502515362011-11-22T16:08:00.001+11:002011-11-22T16:15:33.283+11:00Saying helloBe still and know that I am God...<br />
<br />
God is God of my church which is in turmoil...<br />
He/she is God of my pastor, who may be sacked this weekend....<br />
She/he is God of me... whose support structures are all in flux just now.....<br />
<br />
I was just sitting here thinking on these things and realised that often letting go comes before saying hello...<br />
There are many things that I seem to be 'losing' all at once...<br />
Especially in terms of the structures of my supports because of changes in these people's lives...<br />
<br />
The challenge is to 'let go'..... and have open hands to 'say hello' to whatever new things may be out there for me... without being overcome by the anxiety, loneliness and grief that is part of the process....<br />
<br />
We get used to things being 'as they have been'<br />
It hurts when they change....<br />
..... like when they took the comfy chairs out of the op shop cafe where I used to hang out more...<br />
.....like when I had conflict with one of my 4 best friends...<br />
..... like when a significant support person lost her son, and may lose her job....<br />
..... like when another significant support person may lose his job - and for both of these that means much more limited access to them on a 'drop-in for 5 minutes' basis...<br />
<br />
It hasn't happened yet ... and as a wise friend said to me yesterday... it isn't my decision...<br />
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Be still and Know that I am God!Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-49774960060766447402011-11-20T20:40:00.001+11:002011-11-20T20:42:19.031+11:00Banksia<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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That is all there is to say today...Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-27536420812014387572011-11-15T16:03:00.001+11:002011-11-15T16:13:49.990+11:00God knows your going out and your coming in Psalm 139I was reading part of this Psalm this afternoon, and wondering again why I feel so angry when I read it... It is supposed to be one of the Psalms that brings most comfort - as we are invited to consider that we are fearfully and wonderfully made... and I feel angry....<br />
<br />
I was talking with my counsellor last week about gratitude bringing contentment - and she made the wise observation that this can be effective if the source of lack of contentment is envy, and she doesn't think that is the source of my lack of contentment... I'm not sure we worked out what is... and I expressed my frustration with repetitions of lengthly gratitude exercises over the past 10 years - which don't seem to have impacted my general mood and feeling of well being one iota! And yet.... I know and firmly believe that being alive to the possibilities and realities in the moment are somehow a key to greater contentment for me... and I guess that means the realities even with they suck!<br />
<br />
If I could somehow learn to relish the present - the slight breeze from the fan, the music, the birds outside.. the reality of being 'in my skin' at this very moment... with the anxiety, sorrow, grief, and yet inkling of plans to try and get my physical self moving in the right direction again... as of now...<br />
<br />
I can see my 'love to hug' piglet, pink and soft... I can see the photo of my parents taken 15 years ago or so.. with all the mixed emotions that brings... I can see the lovely box full of birthday cards from my birthday 2 months ago - and just next to me is my soft snuggle rug and snuggle shawl. And angels surround! (no candle today, because of the fan)...<br />
<br />
I hope to go to drawing class this week... on thursday morning... at least it will be a start... even if I just draw bottles again... it has been so long...Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-32748157841981657422011-11-13T08:44:00.001+11:002011-11-13T08:55:08.827+11:00Thinking about death!I have been thinking for some days about where to write... there isn't always the appropriate forum - and sometimes the journal just doesn't cut it...<br />
<br />
One of my best friend's sons was killed in a pedestrian accident a week ago - he was 23, has a fiancee and they had just moved into their new house. They had just got a lovely puppy! The funeral was on Friday - moving, respectful, overwhelmingly sad... but with laughs as people remembered EXtreme Wes.<br />
<br />
I have had to see my counsellor some extra times during this period - it is a little unclear if his death was a suicide or not, and that triggers stuff for me - what about when I want to? <br />
<br />
Then there is all the stuff about how I may want to be remembered if/when I die? Who plans the funeral? Where do I want to end up? Does it really matter? Right now it seems to matter.... I will put some stuff down on paper... soon... this week???<br />
<br />
And then there is my dear friend who is suffering such deep wrenching grief... she and her husband and family and the fiancee... and yet I miss her - normally I see her even if just for a few minutes, most days, as she works at the office next door to the community shop where I hang out a bit. What do I do with my grief about that? And my shared grief with her? I said on Facebook.. I want to come and sit in the silence with sack cloth and ashes....<br />
<br />
It all bloody hurts - and I guess looking to 'make it go away' isn't the aim...but to sit with it ... to allow it to be... to 'be' in it... and it is lonely.....<br />
<br />
PS - I am back in some contact with my friend referred to in the previous post... it will take time to build bridges.Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-45556531341201669152011-11-02T16:05:00.000+11:002011-11-02T16:07:17.406+11:00Friends???I have been thinking a lot about friends over the past few days... after having had a significant series of misunderstandings with a significant friend...<br />
<br />
When this happens... is it possible to negotiate through to a place of mutual trust again?<br />
When this happens... is apology enough, especially when the mistakes on my side were unintentioned and unknown?<br />
When this happens... how do I process the hurt and sense of betrayal... how do I move to a place of forgiveness?<br />
<br />
I need my friends... do I need them too much? Is this part of my mental illness? Is knowing how to respect others' boundaries something we learn through social conditioning? Or is it something that we struggle with through errors and corrections for a considerable time? Until we die?<br />
<br />
I don't know how to begin to mend this friendship that has been wounded and I'm not even sure that my friend wants to...<br />
<br />
I am very sad about that...... and my heart hurts... and my mind has been racing about how I could have done things differently.. which I know isn't helpful in the long run.<br />
<br />
I remember, when I was in Madagascar... and had made yet another cultural mistake... the words came to mind that 'the blood of Jesus covers a multitude of sins...' I had a picture of putting my mistakes with Jesus, and trusting that those I had offended or hurt, would forgive and forget.... Guess I could do that now...Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392446558822032774.post-75525131014266069742011-10-16T14:39:00.000+11:002011-10-16T14:39:26.510+11:00Prayer???I don't know if we have done this one before? Been thinking about prayer this week.. and why we/I do it...and what I expect. Someone said, in a group I was in - that people say we should pray specifically - he reckons that the 'positive thinking seminars' give the same concept - and if you put a picture of your perfect house up by your mirror - the chances of you getting it are the same with prayer as with positive thinking...<br />
<br />
I was sitting in the group - thinking that I don't think that is what prayer is for... and thinking about what I pray for... yes, sometimes it is something specific - but often, most often, when I pray for myself or others - it is more an act of putting ourselves into the conversation with God... Being present with Her - and leaving the outcome in His hands... doesn't mean I don't have desperate heart longings - and doesn't mean I don't get disappointed - and doesn't mean I don't pray more specific prayers sometimes....<br />
<br />
Why do you pray, and how do you pray?<br />
<br />
I know I long for a measure of contentment - I've longed for that, before God, for a very long time... and sometimes wonder if I am having any more 'moments of contentment' now that I did before???? I long to feel at home, and like I belong, and that I matter... My counsellor said I can't really know that I matter to others until I practice mattering to myself more.... Now that is a hard one...<br />
<br />
Saw the pdoc ... med change going as expected... some difficulties, but no unexpected ones...<br />
<br />
I even went for a walk yesterday - and vacuumed - and did some bible study work on the computer... and got really lonely in the evening...<br />
<br />
Hmmmmmmmmm.......Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12978731151074962126noreply@blogger.com0