Charcoal drawing

 Here is the latest charcoal portrait I have done - together with the photo I worked from.
 
 It is only A3 paper instead of the A1 I used when I did mum's picture - but it will be easier to frame and give to my friend.

 I did it on Sunday afternoon... then yesterday I went and saw the European Masters at the National Gallery.  It was amazing to see the work of Renoir, Van Gogh, and Monet - in the flesh so to speak.

 I was more aware of colour and light and shade - and knowing where the light source is - so that it is consistent in the picture.

I'd like to be brave enough to try again with the pastels - I hope we do some more work with them in the next term of drawing class.

 I am feeling a lot more settled today.  Just spent 2 hours with a dear friend and her 4 and 1 year old.  It is so lovely to spend some time playing with and interacting with the littlies - especially as the boy was into a few cuddles today - which he often isn't.

Thankful for friends of all ages..
 For the community shop which made a lovely pumpkin and carrot soup today.
 For learning how to draw...
 For my counsellor and those who have facilitated my visits to her.
 For a safe trip to see my family on the weekend.

Tuesday

I think the storm of the weekend has eased somewhat. I find I am still easily tired...but got to work for a couple of hours today.

A friend and I are going into the Art Gallery tomorrow to see a special exhibition of European Masters.  At least I know there are places there to sit down.

My boarder is away for a couple of weeks, so the house is very quiet...

 That's all for today...

New drawing

I did another charcoal portrait this afternoon - only A3 size instead of A1.  Picture to follow.

 Wracking, desparate grief remains a reality tonight....

 One moment at a time..... hey?
 

safe travel

Had safe travel to and from seeing mum today ... and the sisters....

 Didn't watch the footy..... I was asleep!

 I am here..... at least.....

Grief

I have been here! I have fed the giraffe.  Here is my good friend visiting Kenya feeding the giraffe.

 So much grief about so many things...

 Lots of tears today.....

 Have a candle burning.............

Awake!

I am awake - have been for an hour and a half. It is 5.30 on Friday morning here

Bad dreams, again.....

Don't feel good today .....

 The plaque on my wall says in Malagasy, blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy....

 I could do with some...  Guess have to trust that it is around and happening.

Sunshine = work

The clouds lifted this afternoon and the sun shone through --- that must have been the motivating factor for me to vacuum and mop and clean the bathrooms!!! Sunstroke or something like that!

Worked for a couple of hours this morning - on filing stuff for the business rather than the website - 2 hours of sorting through 3 months invoices, internet banking forms and bank statements turned my brain to mush. I should get it up to date next week.

Thanks
- that I am able to do a little work
- for the sunshine and the promise of more tomorrow
- for candles - to remind me of hope
- for friends and hugs
- for my medication - that helps me get through the night

Kindness

I got a flat tyre on Monday afternoon - no apparent reason - but most inconvenient. I like to be independent about these things -and got all organised to put the spare on - but couldn't get the wheel nuts undone.

I ended up ringing my mechanic and he was able to come and change the tyre for me --- I'd been turning the nuts the wrong way..... ding dong!!! Haven't I changed tyres enough time in Madagascar for it to work! The mechanic took the tyre away.

I went to see what the news was yesterday - and it was leaking air around the rim. He rang his usual tyre repair people and I took the tyre down to them - and asked them to put a tube in it - as this has happened a few times before.

I was concerned about how this was going to affect my budget!!! Which is at a bit of a low ebb just now.

When I went back to get the tyre - the man put it in the back of the car and I asked him what I owed. He said.... It'll be right --- so didn't charge me ANYTHING! I couldn't believe it. Many blessings are wished upon his head.

So two kind people.... that I don't even know real well.
Thank you......

Thankful...

I am thankful
- for hot chocolate
- for friends
- for the No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency on DVD and someone to watch an episode with
-

There are so many other things that I'm grateful for -- but some things that I'm not. The road towards better health is so challenging and twisty and turny. How can I live the hard hours better?

How can I make better choices - about a whole range of things - from food, to exercise, to helpful thoughts rather than unhelpful ones, to drawing or not drawing, to working or not working, to being grateful or being ungrateful.

I read recently that although we use the saying to see the glass half full or half empty. --- even if it is half full ---- it is still half empty - and that needs to be accepted and processed.

Pensive thoughts tonight.....................................

Internet support

There is a tempting lure to look to the internet for encouragement and support - through forums, chat rooms and Facebook.

I am often reminded that this is a false hope - nothing replaces people - via phone, text, or in person -.

The balloons are looking sadder and sadder - a visual indication of my mood.

Would it have helped if I had started a drawing today? Couldn't manage it somehow.

Thanks for
- afternoon sleeps
- birthday cake
- cups of tea
- a car and fuel to put in it
- .................................

Sometimes Hope is elusive.....................

Bedroom linen

One of the things I decided a couple of years ago - was that I could have bed linen that I like - rather than someone else's left overs. I was working then and went out and bought this King Single bed and bed side chest of drawers.

A dear friend bought me some lovely linen for my birthday that year - a doona (quilt) cover in green and maroon strips and maroon sheets.

I have been thinking about getting another doona cover to match rather than the mis match one I had - so this year a dear friend (another one) gave me some money to buy this doona cover and another sheet as a second set.

I like it!

Collapsed helium

Came home this afternoon - and my helium balloons which were so bouyant yesterday where scraping on the floor... something like my energy from the high of yesterday morning...

A bit scared to go to bed tonight - don't like the dreams much...

Got a bit to talk to the counsellor about tomorrow ... I think it will be hard work.

Can I actually make it to the gym in the morning - and actually do 3 times this week (there is always Saturday morning as an option!!! :-)

The cake was... is delicious and the frosting too.... Thanks sister.....

I learned at the managing people with dementia forum last night that we all need respect - we are more than our diagnosis.... I am more than my depression and anxiety......

I can draw
I can teach
I can pray
I can read
I can drink coffee with friends
I can cook an occasional meal
I can go to Curves
I can choose not to hurt myself
I can wake up and get up
I can laugh
I can listen
I can love
I can play with children
I can choose... not to do something.
I can choose not to stand up in church when people are singing.
I can choose whether to go to church or not.
I can make friends
I can light candles and think about hope

......................

Today

It's my birthday today --- and I want to CELEBRATE! Will even go and get some helium balloons. It isn't a BIG '0' but I am finding I get energy from doing the drawing -

Seeing the sisters later today and we will get the traditional family birthday cake. A large chocolate chip chiffon cake with American beaten frosting. Then we are attending a forum on how to support and care for someone with dementia - my mum has some cognitive issues which can make things difficult for my sister especially who is her closest carer. Although mum is in care.

On the way to meet the sisters - I plan to stop in at a big art supply store and see about getting some more paper and maybe some soft white pastel to help with contrast in my charcoal drawings. I need some more special paper to put over and between them too - so the charcoal doesn't smudge.

I did a little work for a friend yesterday and it was REALLY nice to receive a little bit of pay - something is paying off --- all the hard work of the past 8 years, and especially the past year.

And my washing got dry yesterday - I have a lovely new doona cover set and cotton sheet as a birthday present. I like them VERY much.

I like drawing!

My artist friend assures me it isn't finished yet and that I need to 'turn it to the wall' for a week or more and then come back to it - but I want to show people - so you get a looked at the 'rough' one.

I started working on it on Sunday afternoon. It is another portrait done with a grid.

Sunshine today!!! Wonderful

Drawing

Came home from J's about 1.00 - was wondering how I could spend the afternoon.

Unstructured days are a challenge.

I decided to start my next charcoal portrait drawing - it is from a photo of mum taken a couple of years ago. I have done about a third and amazingly enough - it looks like her - I have found I get joy out of doing these portraits grid by grid, square by square. Maybe it can be a way I can look at my own journey to being more whole --- grid by grid, square by square - and when I look at the square through the viewfinder, I can't see what the picture is - just lines and shadows and light.....
Hmmmmmmm.......

Is there really a picture that makes sense after all??? When I'll be able to stand back from it and see the lines and light and shadows in context as a whole?

Thanks for friends, for charcoal and erasers, for hot drinks, for my medication, and for sleep --- even if the dreams aren't often much fun.

Birdsong

One thing about being awake quite early - is that I can hear the birds singing.

I often think about the fact that not a sparrow falls to the ground without the Lord being aware - and He said I am more valuable to Him than sparrows.... Does that mean that He really cares about how I feel? Hmmmmmmm...... What difference does that make?

I could go looking for some suitable paper for my next drawing... have MT with a friend at 10.30 and then off to J's...

Talked to my new friend on the phone last night - she said she would like to meet up regularly. I would like that....

New Friends

Had morning tea with a new friend today... nice time of sharing stories ... with the enjoyment of interruptions from her delightful 4 year old son.

Then lunch with a dear friend, 85 years, to celebrate her husband's birthday - he died in March.

Afternoon tea and banana muffins with another friend, and an episode of Little House on the Praire... :-).

I am thankful for those things and
- for heating - where has spring gone???
- for candles - couldn't light it yesterday - but a bit more hope today.
- that I'm going to spend the weekend with J on the other side of Melbourne.
- that I did make it to Curves 2 times this week, even with the fall - could even go tomorrow morning and make it 3.

Maybe the Geelong Cats will even win the football tonight!

No afternoon sleep today - so I think it will be an early night.

Thursday

Didn't end up doing any drawing yesterday - someone had found a frame in an op shop big enough for my picture ... and framed it.

Not much helps just now....

Curves today

So, I made it to the gym this morning and then was only on about the 5th machine when I caught my pants on the side of the machine and fell full length on the floor - fortunately not hitting my head on the next machine.

I got up and went on with my workout - but was battling tears on each 'recovery board' and when I was doing the stretches at the end - I got through it though...... I rang my friend and neighbour when I went out to the car and was really crying and she said to come and have a cup of tea and we talked it through --- and the other things that were causing the tears triggered by the fall.

Then I went to the nun's monthly morning tea for an hour ...
Went and did some website work for a friend for a couple of hours....
Then came home for a sleep...

I am in a bit of a mess tonight ---- will go to bed early --- drawing class tomorrow.

Thankful.....

Milo.....

Afternoon sleep...

Mobile phones.....

Chocolate.....

..................

............. still miserable.......

Rain

There has been some - lots in some areas....

I always think about the people who are elderly or suffer mental illness when there are disasters like this. Life is hard enough for them/us just with normal things.

I am thankful for candles...

That I'm seeing my counsellor tomorrow morning.

Church was okay this morning.

Got the boards as backing for my drawings this afternoon

Early morning

The alarm at 3.40 this morning was a bit of a shock - but I'm really glad I was able to go with my friend to see her off. Her daughter drove and handled the parking and stuff - so that was a special bonus.

I feel sad tonight....

Have a candle lit - to remind me there is hope :-).

Had a sleep this arvo - but expect it will still be an early night.

Need to remember that I don't have to do tomorrow, right now....

Might go and get the boards for my art work tomorrow - I can get them at Bunnings - they are open on Sunday - sort of would like to get to church first!

No more sweet things in the cupboard --- too bad.

Friday

Sometimes even when some positive things have occured during the week - and some hints of sparkle in some revelations --- it doesn't mean it is easy to come up with things to be thankful for when I get to the end of the day.

A dear friend is going O/S for 5 weeks tomorrow - I know it will be okay, but I will miss her.

Gives me an opportunity to draw on and broaden the others in my friendship and support network.

I am thankful for them -

I have reluctantly turned my picture to the wall for a few days (week?) at the suggestion of an artist friend - so that I can come back to it with fresh eyes and 'finish it off'. I need to get a couple of boards to make a 'folio' for my work, and some special paper to put between the pieces so they don't smudge, and some big bull clips to hold it all together. Maybe I will just clip the pictures to boards and prop them up all around the house - I like looking at them!

Weary inside tonight.....

Thankful for my new bright doona cover (a birthday present) - even washed and dried today so I could put it on the bed already.

Drawing class sept 1, 2010

It's not so hard - when working from a grid...

Hope at 6 years - maybe 1st day at school....

Not too bad for a morning's work.

I enjoy working with charcoal...

Might do another portrait next week.

Final week next week.

I enjoyed doing this!

Even got me motivated to cook up about 6 meals this afternoon for the freezer.

If you get this via email - click on the website link down the bottom of the email and you will see the picture.