It is pretty bad when your life's goal is to learn how to somehow be more content with your own company - and you can't imagine how that could ever happen.
When you go to bed each day wondering how you will be able to get up the next morning, and yet somehow you always do.
When sometimes going through the motions of life is just not enough....
But that seems to be all there is....
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Thursday, May 3, 2012
It's time
It's time to move the profound expression of grief off the front page of my blog - not that the grief has passed, but the intensity has eased somewhat. I remain in a conundrum about what to do about church - well not really, I have decided that I will look around at other churches. Somehow regular conventional church just doesn't do it for me any more - although I know it isn't all about me.
I have been to visit a 'church of disappointment' for 3 Sundays. They minister to the marginalised and have a professional, yet spontaneous type of worship. People with mental health issues may call out during the sermon, there is the noise of the children during the main part of the service, until the sermon, some people in wheelchairs come, who are extremely disabled, homeless people wander in off the street, street girls come in and light a candle and cross them selves at the altar, while the sermon is on. The service breaks for morning tea just before the message, and there is a shared lunch afterwards. The ministers are kind, thoughtful, sensitive and gentle. And they have couches - a big bonus for me. I like it there. They have communion every week, and you go up and receive it from the servers in the aisles. My only problem is that it is a bit far from where I live. But it may be a place of healing, that I can attend for a while.
I am still linked with my other church because of some groups I'm involved with there - the big question is - do I let those groups go or not??? One only lasts til the end of July. I can wait that long surely. How do I discern about whether to let the other group go or not - when we reach the July holidays. My gut tells me to, my guilt tells me not to. I guess it shouldn't be too difficult to know which one to follow! :) .
I have been to visit a 'church of disappointment' for 3 Sundays. They minister to the marginalised and have a professional, yet spontaneous type of worship. People with mental health issues may call out during the sermon, there is the noise of the children during the main part of the service, until the sermon, some people in wheelchairs come, who are extremely disabled, homeless people wander in off the street, street girls come in and light a candle and cross them selves at the altar, while the sermon is on. The service breaks for morning tea just before the message, and there is a shared lunch afterwards. The ministers are kind, thoughtful, sensitive and gentle. And they have couches - a big bonus for me. I like it there. They have communion every week, and you go up and receive it from the servers in the aisles. My only problem is that it is a bit far from where I live. But it may be a place of healing, that I can attend for a while.
I am still linked with my other church because of some groups I'm involved with there - the big question is - do I let those groups go or not??? One only lasts til the end of July. I can wait that long surely. How do I discern about whether to let the other group go or not - when we reach the July holidays. My gut tells me to, my guilt tells me not to. I guess it shouldn't be too difficult to know which one to follow! :) .
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