Thankfulness for Wednesday

I come to the end of this day feeling somewhat battered and worn - so I guess it would be helpful to think about the things I'm thankful for.

- I'm thankful that the visit with the psychiatrist went okay today - and finally we are beginning to find a language to communicate in that I am comfortable with... It's only taken 4 years!
- I'm thankful that I have a number of someone to call about the chip in my windscreen. Hope to call them tomorrow.
- I'm thankful that I've made it safely through this afternoon and evening.
- I'm thankful that things are always (nearly always) better in the morning.
- I'm thankful for a good bed to sleep in and Panadol for my aches and pains.

Money, money, money

It is crazy. I have a positive bank balance and no debt - which can be said of very few in this day and age ... that is not counting some money I do owe to a friend and to my mum for helping me buy my car last year.... yet I worry.

Had to pay car insurance today - and then when I was coming back from seeing a good friend, a big truck went by the other way and threw up a stone, which chipped my windscreen. I so hope the chip can be fixed without replacing the whole windscreen. Damn.... I was very annoyed!

I can manage my doctor's bills for this week, and have food in the cupboard - and am using the heating on trust that it will be okay to pay for it when the time comes.

I guess one of the factors at the moment is that one of my boarders is moving out on the weekend so that will increase my share of the rent. I am in conversation with another young lady, who is interested in moving in - but we haven't got beyond some conversation. I have appointments the next 3 days and my boarders' wedding on Saturday - so don't reckon I will catch up with this other girl this week.

It'll be okay............ I think!

Do Smarties make you Smart!!??

Smarties remind me of sitting on the top bunk in an ocean liner on the way to or from Kenya, with my brother and sisters. We divided up a box of Smarties between us after dividing them into colours, we did eeny, meeny, mieny, mo..... for each smartie around the colour groups to know which colour we could take next. I remember when we were in our 20s buying a bag of Smarties and dividing them into colour groups and then dividing each colour group into 3 equal shares in little bowls - just so we all had an equal share of all the colours. That was just the 3 girls - I still often divide my Smarties into colour groups.... but not today. We needed equal shares because some people (me) suck the coating off each Smartie and savour the experience of each one - where as others scoff the lot quickly - and things needed to BE FAIR!!!!!

It is a clear and crisp winter's day today with frost this morning. I even made it back to the gym this morning and plan to go 3 times this week --- and so on ad infinitum.

Then I saw my counsellor - we talked 'around' some anger stuff - and at the end she said she reckons I am ready to start some 'anger work' Crumbs!!!! Yikes!!! Crikey!!! I see her again on Friday.

What God do you have?

I learned something this week...

I have had a harsh and tyrannical God, whom I inherited from my parents. They may not have experienced him that way... but that is who I learned to follow - except I know I was following a kind God too - I know Him/Her for other people...

I am angry that my parents neglected me for the sake of their service to this harsh God and I am angry that I wore myself out in his service too.

I said to my counsellor this week.. I don't want that God any more... I want a good, kind, loving, compassionate, gentle, upholding, forgiving and just God...

It is going to take some time to discover Her/Him or/and to be discovered by Her/Him.

I have a lot of work to do in releasing these long held angry feelings - the process has started - and I will have an opportunity tomorrow when I see my counsellor - to continue to explore these things.

It is very scary for me....

Awake!

What do you do when you wake up early in the morning??? Or does that never happen to you? Some people sleep in til their alarm clock goes off each day - I haven't used an alarm in a very long time. Not unless I need to get up at 4.00 am or something to take someone to the airport! :-).

When I get up early - I often go on the computer for a little while and then read and think for a little while. I like to open the curtains, even though it is dark and cold outside, because then I can see the sky lighten as dawn comes. I can hear the birds singing too. Otherwise it is very quiet.

I have breakfast and that necessary cup of tea - and then when I've done all that - I will often go back to bed again for a '2nd sleep'. If it is a day like today when I don't need to be anywhere until 10.00 for church. - Other days I might go to the gym.

I am thankful for a warm and comfortable bed to sleep in!

What about Saturday?

Am I thankful for things tonight - as the day draws to an end???

I am thankful for the energy to interact with people this morning at breakfast.
I am thankful for soup and a visit with a good friend at lunch.
I am thankful for the computer, internet and 'social networking' - even though it often doesn't bring me much comfort.
I am thankful that even though it has felt like Sunday all day... having started off at church ... it is actually only Saturday - so I don't have to get up and go to the gym in the morning.
I am thankful that I found my 'right' 'go to sleep' word find puzzle book yesterday so that I can start it tonight. I finished one yesterday.

Working things out

Wow - hopefully now I have a picture ... sorry... not a lovely one of me... but often I feel something like a tortoise, in more ways than one - so this will do for now.

I think I have added the google analytics code in the right place as well - so hopefully that will help me track if anyone other than myself and a few close friends is reading these profound thoughts! :-).

I have had a lovely morning at my Church Ladies' Breakfast. About 60 ladies of all ages came together for lovely muffins, fruit, toast and cereal and yoghurt. I was feeling well enough to take a place on the welcoming table and help with organising people into groups for some 'getting to know each other' time after we were done with the food and the coffees. I met some people I didn't know and learned some new things about people I do know. Maybe I will actually talk to someone at church tomorrow, instead of hiding away in the foyer.!

Then I went to a friend's place for pumpkin soup for lunch - it was very yummy - especially as I didn't make it - I don't like cooking for myself much. We had a good chin wag while she pinned scraps of material together to sew into patchwork bags. She had finished two and I really liked the colours, so I bought them both. I will use one as a present for my sister's birthday, which is in 2 weeks - Yay.... I have a present for her and haven't had to go out and look for one!

There is a little work I could do in the garden .... Hmmmm .... not much of a gardener either, but the geraniums need cutting back....... Saturday afternoon stuff?????

Later::: The geraniums have had a SEVERE haircut!... pulled a few weeds too.

Comfort or Hardship??

I am sitting here in relative warmth with a rug over my knees and another around my shoulders. I have 3 heaters in the house I could put on if I needed to. I have a wardrobe full of clothes (many that don't fit!!), and more than one pair of shoes. There is enough food in the fridge and pantry to feed me for a week. I even have a room to myself to sleep in.

I am thinking today of my friends in Madagascar - some have rarely slept in a bed by themselves, let alone had a whole room of their own, with a door. They live from day to day just buying enough food for that day. After all, there is no fridge and many only get their money each day as well. They can't save for anything even if they do have work, because the needs of any family crisis, illness, accident, or birth or death, take precedent over whatever they were saving for. They have two or 3 sets of clothes if they are lucky, and no heating in the house - even though it gets cold in winter.

Does God love them any less than he loves me??? Why can't we share more? Why do we spend more on our military budgets than the whole GDP of a nation like Madagascar? I don't get it. But I am thankful for the things I have and hope that I can be generous with those things.

Why write a blog??

Blogging seems to be an 'in thing'. Can't imagine quite why we want to read about other people's lives. I guess it is part of how we feel connected to each other in the 21st Century.

I have enjoyed writing for many years, but never gone beyond sharing a few stories with close friends. This might give me an opportunity. And I need connection!

I have had a full day today - interacting with people and doing some work as well - just an hour of work - I am so thankful for my church's community shop - because it gives me a place to hang out. They have a cafe there too.

I am thankful for:
My friends
Good professional help
A car that works
A computer and the internet
A really nice lunch