Diso fanentanana.... Mistaken Hope -- another Malagasy lesson for today...
I feel like I should be rejoicing...... but I'm not....
I have made a decision about where to live...
I will move to 4 suburbs away in 2 1/2 weeks...
To a shared house with two others (3 when the owner is there)...
I have a bedroom and bathroom... and use of the common areas...
I can take my bed, and hopefully my recliner... A bedside table and a bookcase...
I can connect to the internet...
Instead of feeling good, I feel incredibly sad....
How do I take the 'I know it will be okay...' and really KNOW it???????
It is about a 20 minute drive back to where I live now, and where my 'community' is (mostly)...
5 train stations... if I take the train (I do have the car)...
I don't want to start again....
I don't want to learn to fit into a new community...
I don't want to be any more lonely....
I don't want to put most of my stuff in storage...
A friend said today... that it can take quite a time for our emotions to process and catch up with our decisions and thoughts...
I hope they do..... eventually......
Showing posts with label moving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moving. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Mercy
"Sambatra ny miantra, fa izy no hiantrana..." Matthew 5...
"Blessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy..."
When my father was dying of cancer and was deteriorating... I sat on his bed with him and said, we will ask God to be merciful... He said, "God is always merciful". That conversation has stuck with me.
I am due to move in 3 weeks, and the place I was moving to has fallen through... so I don't know where I will be going. It has been a rollercoaster ride the past few days (I found out on Monday late afternoon).
What does it mean to be shown mercy? It is getting something good that I don't deserve... I believe that God's mercy is showered on all people and I don't know why some live in wars, famine, and devastation...
Somehow we are agents of God's mercy too - as we advocate for peace and justice, and care for people and our world... my friends have been agents of God's mercy to me over the past couple of days, as they have supported me emotionally and practically...
And it doesn't mean that I feel good, relaxed, or at peace....
To learn to receive... to say the eternal "Yes" to life, whatever it may bring is the challenge facing me today...
"Blessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy..."
When my father was dying of cancer and was deteriorating... I sat on his bed with him and said, we will ask God to be merciful... He said, "God is always merciful". That conversation has stuck with me.
I am due to move in 3 weeks, and the place I was moving to has fallen through... so I don't know where I will be going. It has been a rollercoaster ride the past few days (I found out on Monday late afternoon).
What does it mean to be shown mercy? It is getting something good that I don't deserve... I believe that God's mercy is showered on all people and I don't know why some live in wars, famine, and devastation...
Somehow we are agents of God's mercy too - as we advocate for peace and justice, and care for people and our world... my friends have been agents of God's mercy to me over the past couple of days, as they have supported me emotionally and practically...
And it doesn't mean that I feel good, relaxed, or at peace....
To learn to receive... to say the eternal "Yes" to life, whatever it may bring is the challenge facing me today...
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