2.45 pm, Wednesday, Jan 19, 2011
Why is it that it so much more difficult to accept my mental health illness, than it would be if it were some physical illness?
Why do I feel so ashamed about suffering from depresssion, anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress?
I have tried for most of my life to ignore it, to live well, to grasp life with two hands, to try new things, to not miss opportunities - yet here I am at nearly 50, unable to work because the pressure makes me think and do unhelpful things. I thought it would only be for a while... I thought the anxiety would lift... I thought the bleakness and the bad dreams would be a memory I could put behind me.
I guess it is like any chronic illness - you learn to manage it.
I manage mine with therapy and drugs, and a persistant effort to connect with people every day.
I manage it with using the internet, sitting at the cafe in our church's community op shop, trying to be proactive in doing the things that I'm able to do, and to be gentle with myself, when I can't.
At least I have been able to read a bit over the past month or so - that is a change - guess I can take courage in that.
I just read on someone else's blog about Jesus being compassionate on the outcasts and forgotten people of his time...
Guess I can remember that he hasn't forgotten about me.
I was over at sisterfriends and clicked on your blog, and was pleased to see a fellow aussie on board :)
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to comment because I can relate much to your struggles re anxiety - I've suffered with severe anxiety/OCD most of my life, and sometimes it is 'manageable' and other times, it manages me.
I've actually just taken myself off the meds, as they really weren't doing anything, and am trying to implement some 'mindfulness' to help me deal with the times when my thoughts overwhelm me and have me believing all kinds of crazy things about myself :(
I have had worse periods in my life, and no what it is to come out of the dark, but when you feel yourself sinking again, it is still a very harrowing and awful experience.
Mel