Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
God Candle
10.15 pm 24.5.11. Tuesday
I am thankful today for my God candle... which reminds me of light, and connection, and warmth.....
For a cooked hot meal provided for tea, and enough for tomorrow night as well......
For an afternoon sleep......
For my medication.....
For a hug today..... hopefully there will be another one tomorrow....
I am thankful today for my God candle... which reminds me of light, and connection, and warmth.....
For a cooked hot meal provided for tea, and enough for tomorrow night as well......
For an afternoon sleep......
For my medication.....
For a hug today..... hopefully there will be another one tomorrow....
Monday, May 23, 2011
Gratitude
8.15 am, 23.5.11. Monday
I have been thinking about gratitude again this past week, and remembering how I was using this blog as a gratitude journal, when I started nearly a year ago... What happened? I wonder? I know that being grateful got more difficult somehow... or maybe it was the writing it down... in cyberspace that got more difficult.
I am grateful for people and events in my life, which have 'made a difference'... there are so many people.. How can I imagine that I am isolated and alone... as I so often feel? My counsellor says that when I think of the things I'm grateful for, the key is to remember with my feelings and not just my mind... as that is all part of retraining the neural pathways towards positive thinking rather than negative.
Another mentor and guide says that imagining a good experience, with all your senses, does the same thing to your brain as actually experiencing it... Goodness me!
I remember one of my early counsellor's suggesting that when I feel loved to relish that experience and hold on to it, and remember..."This is what it feels like to feel loved" (Yes, that was you HRF)...
I am grateful today for these mentors and guides whose lives have impacted mine... in ways they can't even know about.
I am grateful for the everyday friends, who show me through a word, a hug, a smile, an email, a phone call, a text message... that I do matter.... Something that I find really hard to hold on to.
I am grateful for an opportunity to do some more drawing... and the challenge to be more creative and expressive in my drawing...
I am grateful for the mystery of waiting between Easter and Pentecost...
And I am grateful for a Nescafe Mocha in my big mug... for a morning drink to linger over and savour. :-)
I have been thinking about gratitude again this past week, and remembering how I was using this blog as a gratitude journal, when I started nearly a year ago... What happened? I wonder? I know that being grateful got more difficult somehow... or maybe it was the writing it down... in cyberspace that got more difficult.
I am grateful for people and events in my life, which have 'made a difference'... there are so many people.. How can I imagine that I am isolated and alone... as I so often feel? My counsellor says that when I think of the things I'm grateful for, the key is to remember with my feelings and not just my mind... as that is all part of retraining the neural pathways towards positive thinking rather than negative.
Another mentor and guide says that imagining a good experience, with all your senses, does the same thing to your brain as actually experiencing it... Goodness me!
I remember one of my early counsellor's suggesting that when I feel loved to relish that experience and hold on to it, and remember..."This is what it feels like to feel loved" (Yes, that was you HRF)...
I am grateful today for these mentors and guides whose lives have impacted mine... in ways they can't even know about.
I am grateful for the everyday friends, who show me through a word, a hug, a smile, an email, a phone call, a text message... that I do matter.... Something that I find really hard to hold on to.
I am grateful for an opportunity to do some more drawing... and the challenge to be more creative and expressive in my drawing...
I am grateful for the mystery of waiting between Easter and Pentecost...
And I am grateful for a Nescafe Mocha in my big mug... for a morning drink to linger over and savour. :-)
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Nourishment?
21.30. 3.5.11. Wednesday...
Have been thinking about preparing a study on the Topic.. Jesus said, "I am the Bread of Life". Was thinking about it at a contemplative prayer service tonight, as I looked at the bread and wine for communion... The question that came to mind was one about nourishment.
What nourishes me?
What depletes me?
What can I do about it?
I know I am nourished by food and water... sometimes too much of the wrong sort, and often not very nourishing really... something to do something about?
I am nourished most of all by connection with significant others, yet I know that my difficulty in connecting with myself, mean that all the other connections are never enough....
I get discouraged about that often.....
I am discouraged about that right now....
Have been working hard on preparing for further anger work over the past few days... see my counsellor on Friday morning.... trepidation, anticipation, bleakness, lostness, wondering, fear, running away, running back....
Hmmmmmmmm...........................................................
Have been thinking about preparing a study on the Topic.. Jesus said, "I am the Bread of Life". Was thinking about it at a contemplative prayer service tonight, as I looked at the bread and wine for communion... The question that came to mind was one about nourishment.
What nourishes me?
What depletes me?
What can I do about it?
I know I am nourished by food and water... sometimes too much of the wrong sort, and often not very nourishing really... something to do something about?
I am nourished most of all by connection with significant others, yet I know that my difficulty in connecting with myself, mean that all the other connections are never enough....
I get discouraged about that often.....
I am discouraged about that right now....
Have been working hard on preparing for further anger work over the past few days... see my counsellor on Friday morning.... trepidation, anticipation, bleakness, lostness, wondering, fear, running away, running back....
Hmmmmmmmm...........................................................
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Africa...
8.45. 1.5.11. Sunday...
Woke up dreaming of telling someone the story of the first year in Madagascar today... I was so angry as I told of how we received so little support and help.
Madagascar and time at Rift Valley invade my dreams so very often, almost every night... so many bombs, and chases, and blown up airplanes... Loneliness, unsettledness, and fear.
Sometimes it makes waking up to a new day, a little difficult. I am thinking of arranging to talk to a pastoral mentor type person about the Africa experiences, and try and process, a little, the trauma and damage of those times.
I know there were a lot of good times too, and positive memories, but they are overlaid with isolation and fear.
Planning approaching some significant anger work with my counsellor this next Friday... It feels like it has already started, as I prepare the symbols and think about the feelings. I know I need to let them be, on a shelf... until the time... but it is hard...
That's enough for today...
Woke up dreaming of telling someone the story of the first year in Madagascar today... I was so angry as I told of how we received so little support and help.
Madagascar and time at Rift Valley invade my dreams so very often, almost every night... so many bombs, and chases, and blown up airplanes... Loneliness, unsettledness, and fear.
Sometimes it makes waking up to a new day, a little difficult. I am thinking of arranging to talk to a pastoral mentor type person about the Africa experiences, and try and process, a little, the trauma and damage of those times.
I know there were a lot of good times too, and positive memories, but they are overlaid with isolation and fear.
Planning approaching some significant anger work with my counsellor this next Friday... It feels like it has already started, as I prepare the symbols and think about the feelings. I know I need to let them be, on a shelf... until the time... but it is hard...
That's enough for today...
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