A new day...
Sunshine
A reasonable sleep...
I feel better about the move today. I will even go and get some more boxes this morning. I need to write an email to my sister about the things I want to get rid of and see what she wants... They are coming up on the 13 to help me move, and hopefully there will be some help from church as well.
I can ask for help...
I can do this....
Thanks to those who commented...
There may be pleasant surprises ahead...
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Mistaken Hope
Diso fanentanana.... Mistaken Hope -- another Malagasy lesson for today...
I feel like I should be rejoicing...... but I'm not....
I have made a decision about where to live...
I will move to 4 suburbs away in 2 1/2 weeks...
To a shared house with two others (3 when the owner is there)...
I have a bedroom and bathroom... and use of the common areas...
I can take my bed, and hopefully my recliner... A bedside table and a bookcase...
I can connect to the internet...
Instead of feeling good, I feel incredibly sad....
How do I take the 'I know it will be okay...' and really KNOW it???????
It is about a 20 minute drive back to where I live now, and where my 'community' is (mostly)...
5 train stations... if I take the train (I do have the car)...
I don't want to start again....
I don't want to learn to fit into a new community...
I don't want to be any more lonely....
I don't want to put most of my stuff in storage...
A friend said today... that it can take quite a time for our emotions to process and catch up with our decisions and thoughts...
I hope they do..... eventually......
I feel like I should be rejoicing...... but I'm not....
I have made a decision about where to live...
I will move to 4 suburbs away in 2 1/2 weeks...
To a shared house with two others (3 when the owner is there)...
I have a bedroom and bathroom... and use of the common areas...
I can take my bed, and hopefully my recliner... A bedside table and a bookcase...
I can connect to the internet...
Instead of feeling good, I feel incredibly sad....
How do I take the 'I know it will be okay...' and really KNOW it???????
It is about a 20 minute drive back to where I live now, and where my 'community' is (mostly)...
5 train stations... if I take the train (I do have the car)...
I don't want to start again....
I don't want to learn to fit into a new community...
I don't want to be any more lonely....
I don't want to put most of my stuff in storage...
A friend said today... that it can take quite a time for our emotions to process and catch up with our decisions and thoughts...
I hope they do..... eventually......
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Mercy
"Sambatra ny miantra, fa izy no hiantrana..." Matthew 5...
"Blessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy..."
When my father was dying of cancer and was deteriorating... I sat on his bed with him and said, we will ask God to be merciful... He said, "God is always merciful". That conversation has stuck with me.
I am due to move in 3 weeks, and the place I was moving to has fallen through... so I don't know where I will be going. It has been a rollercoaster ride the past few days (I found out on Monday late afternoon).
What does it mean to be shown mercy? It is getting something good that I don't deserve... I believe that God's mercy is showered on all people and I don't know why some live in wars, famine, and devastation...
Somehow we are agents of God's mercy too - as we advocate for peace and justice, and care for people and our world... my friends have been agents of God's mercy to me over the past couple of days, as they have supported me emotionally and practically...
And it doesn't mean that I feel good, relaxed, or at peace....
To learn to receive... to say the eternal "Yes" to life, whatever it may bring is the challenge facing me today...
"Blessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy..."
When my father was dying of cancer and was deteriorating... I sat on his bed with him and said, we will ask God to be merciful... He said, "God is always merciful". That conversation has stuck with me.
I am due to move in 3 weeks, and the place I was moving to has fallen through... so I don't know where I will be going. It has been a rollercoaster ride the past few days (I found out on Monday late afternoon).
What does it mean to be shown mercy? It is getting something good that I don't deserve... I believe that God's mercy is showered on all people and I don't know why some live in wars, famine, and devastation...
Somehow we are agents of God's mercy too - as we advocate for peace and justice, and care for people and our world... my friends have been agents of God's mercy to me over the past couple of days, as they have supported me emotionally and practically...
And it doesn't mean that I feel good, relaxed, or at peace....
To learn to receive... to say the eternal "Yes" to life, whatever it may bring is the challenge facing me today...
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Jesus loves you???
7.30 am 6.7.11. Wednesday
Jesus loves you
This you know
For the Bible
Tells you so.......
Needed to use the second person pronoun today...
In the first person, as it is normally sung... this is one of my mantras when I can't think, can't act, can't plan... when I am overcome by the anxiety etc...
But what does it mean???
What does it mean to me today... when life sux...just now?????????
Jesus loves you
This you know
For the Bible
Tells you so.......
Needed to use the second person pronoun today...
In the first person, as it is normally sung... this is one of my mantras when I can't think, can't act, can't plan... when I am overcome by the anxiety etc...
But what does it mean???
What does it mean to me today... when life sux...just now?????????
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