Prayer???

I don't know if we have done this one before?  Been thinking about prayer this week.. and why we/I do it...and what I expect.  Someone said, in a group I was in - that people say we should pray specifically - he reckons that the 'positive thinking seminars' give the same concept - and if you put a picture of your perfect house up by your mirror - the chances of you getting it are the same with prayer as with positive thinking...

 I was sitting in the group - thinking that I don't think that is what prayer is for... and thinking about what I pray for... yes, sometimes it is something specific - but often, most often, when I pray for myself or others - it is more an act of putting ourselves into the conversation with God...  Being present with Her - and leaving the outcome in His hands...  doesn't mean I don't have desperate heart longings - and doesn't mean I don't get disappointed - and doesn't mean I don't pray more specific prayers sometimes....

 Why do you pray, and how do you pray?

I know I long for a measure of contentment - I've longed for that, before God, for a very long time... and sometimes wonder if I am having any more 'moments of contentment' now that I did before????  I long to feel at home, and like I belong, and that I matter...  My counsellor said I can't really know that I matter to others until I practice mattering to myself more.... Now that is a hard one...

 Saw the pdoc ... med change going as expected... some difficulties, but no unexpected ones...

 I even went for a walk yesterday - and vacuumed - and did some bible study work on the computer... and got really lonely in the evening...

 Hmmmmmmmmm.......

Sometimes life sucks!

Been changing my antidepressants the past 3 weeks... I thought I would be okay - but the past 4 to 5 days have been really, really difficult....  I saw my therapist yesterday and as we talked about things, she said that there doesn't seem to be much real change in the issues etc - so my low mood and dark thoughts are most likely from the med change -  It has been really hard.... even just to keep doing the basic things...

 I see the psychiatrist on Thursday morning - at the unearthly hour of 8.00 am - maybe I won't shower before that one!  I need to really make an effort to tell her what is really going on for me - which I tend to understate.  I have an appointment with the GP today - just to be seeing another professional.....

 I'll be glad when we have some warmer weather towards the end of the week - which will be good -.

 If you think of me, friends... think courage in my direction!

 Thankful for some good friends - who 'get it' and for other friends who don't by still try to care in their own way...