Write!

I read yesterday: 

Now is the time to start a journal..........

And I remembered..... I used to do that.

 So much has happened... now I live in my two rooms under the stairs - light, my things, privacy, mostly.....  radio, TV, painting, and me.

I don't do much painting.......... not much at all.... I would like to do more.....

My little sister has breast cancer.
It is Stage 3 - her PET scan showed some markers in her liver.
She is scheduled for probably a year and a half of chemotherapy.
Surgery after the first 6 months and radiotherapy following that.

She has to work - she has 6 of her 7 kids at home - the youngest is 8 - her husband is unwell, and can't do very much.

My heart aches...
It gives me a pain deep in my chest and belly...
If I could only DO SOMETHING!!!!!

I remain unwell - some days my anxiety is 9 out of 10 - that is very hard...
Some days - my depression strikes and I walk my depression walk, slow and measured.  Barely having the energy to put one foot in front of the other and stay upright - let alone have a coherent conversation with anyone.  

Those days are very long. 

My mum has cancer too - it is gradually closing over her oesophagus.  
She can still swallow...
She can still walk...  slowly, carefully - with her frame and her limping crooked leg.
She still remembers things and people - even if often all she can talk about is the time.
She is in care...
When she can't swallow anymore, she will die... 
She turns 87 in 2 weeks...
She says she is content and ready...

That will do for today...