A roller coaster week.

9.30 pm Thursday night...

For some reason - the text box for writing didn't open in the last entry - so you got an empty update.

 I have gone from having the awareness on Sunday that I want to continue in Christian ministry - to being sure that there is no way I'm ready to go back to work yet - to talking to my Job Search lady today, and being encouraged to do a Cert IV in Workplace Assessment and Training - and feeling the pressure of maybe needing to commit to 12 weeks of study (if she can find government funding for me to do the course).

 I went to see a GP about a script on Tuesday - and he opened the flood gates of my resentment at the mission for the abuse I suffered, both as a child and an adult - I hadn't even realised that I need to talk about this stuff.  He has recommended a book to read about Spirituality, which it so happened, my pastor had a copy of when I saw him yesterday and I have borrowed it.

 Provision has been made, amazingly unexpectedly to enable me to pay off my credit card from the car repairs back in November.  I have been reminded of how arrogant it is for me to really, really know God's love for everyone else, and yet be so reluctant to embrace it for myself.  Hope to work on that some more with the counsellor tomorrow.

 In my talk with the pastor on Wednesday, other life changing issues have been raised - and I am grappling with new thoughts and feelings, and fear and trepidation.

 My friend called an ambulance yesterday morning, because she had chest pain - and was in hospital all day for tests - no heart attack noted at this time... but a timely reminder that only I can look after my health.

 I have struggled with staying safe this week... but come to Thursday night - and will be okay - and see J tomorrow morning - trust it will be a helpful session, and we'll know which of the many things I could talk about are the ones I need to talk about.