I am thankful for friends. Things weren't going so well last Friday - and I rang my friend, who lives on the other side of the city, early on Saturday morning - she can cope with a 6.30 am phone call - she said "come", "come and stay" - so by 9.00 am I was at her place. It was an 'odd jobs' weekend for her so I watched her garden and cook and we talked and I slept and read, and her grandchildren came over (3 and 2 years old). Thank you J!!!
I came back home Monday morning -feeling like I have been looked after. That helped.
I am thankful for my skilled counsellor
And for my pastor
And for my friends in the community shop
And for my friends at the nuns - where I went for morning tea today.
And for delicious carrot cake at the nuns morning tea!!!
Showing posts with label nurture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nurture. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Loneliness?
I have been thinking about loneliness this afternoon. On one of my other interactive websites, I often say that I am lonely. It is a bit strange, if I think about it, as I have a number of friends and even though I'm not working at the moment, my days are reasonably full.
But the feeling of being lonely persists. Is it connected to 'not belonging'? Is it part and parcel of the Missionary Kid package? The constant moving and saying goodbye. Is that why I can't really trust that my friends are not going to abandon me?
Yet for me, it is more than that. Somehow in the past 7-8 years since I returned from Madagascar, the dislike of my own company has surfaced (maybe it was always there!). I struggle to have the concentration to engage in meaningful activity at home, or the energy and motivation to do the household chores.
I am learning that I have significant 'attachment' issues that stem from a very young age - and I know I experience that lack of attachment as a lostness, a sense of being on an asteroid hurtling into space, far away from human life.
My therapists assure me that what I need to do is to learn to nurture myself - to self-comfort the frightened, lost and lonely me. I am trying to learn to do that - so I went to the nuns - so that I could have a model of what being nurtured is like.
At this stage, I can't imagine feeling differently about myself, or about the 'empty time' that all of us have....
But the feeling of being lonely persists. Is it connected to 'not belonging'? Is it part and parcel of the Missionary Kid package? The constant moving and saying goodbye. Is that why I can't really trust that my friends are not going to abandon me?
Yet for me, it is more than that. Somehow in the past 7-8 years since I returned from Madagascar, the dislike of my own company has surfaced (maybe it was always there!). I struggle to have the concentration to engage in meaningful activity at home, or the energy and motivation to do the household chores.
I am learning that I have significant 'attachment' issues that stem from a very young age - and I know I experience that lack of attachment as a lostness, a sense of being on an asteroid hurtling into space, far away from human life.
My therapists assure me that what I need to do is to learn to nurture myself - to self-comfort the frightened, lost and lonely me. I am trying to learn to do that - so I went to the nuns - so that I could have a model of what being nurtured is like.
At this stage, I can't imagine feeling differently about myself, or about the 'empty time' that all of us have....
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