I learned something this week...
I have had a harsh and tyrannical God, whom I inherited from my parents. They may not have experienced him that way... but that is who I learned to follow - except I know I was following a kind God too - I know Him/Her for other people...
I am angry that my parents neglected me for the sake of their service to this harsh God and I am angry that I wore myself out in his service too.
I said to my counsellor this week.. I don't want that God any more... I want a good, kind, loving, compassionate, gentle, upholding, forgiving and just God...
It is going to take some time to discover Her/Him or/and to be discovered by Her/Him.
I have a lot of work to do in releasing these long held angry feelings - the process has started - and I will have an opportunity tomorrow when I see my counsellor - to continue to explore these things.
It is very scary for me....
I hear you Hope! What an exciting thing for you to learn. I also have been in this process for a number of years. Have you ever read "The Poisonwood Bible" by Barbara Kingsolver? It really "hit me in the gut" for some things. If you haven't read it, I'd like to suggest it to you.
ReplyDeleteSo very happy to see that you know what kind of God you want to love!
Thanks for your comment... so many things to discover. Hope you are doing okay today.
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