Diso fanentanana.... Mistaken Hope -- another Malagasy lesson for today...
I feel like I should be rejoicing...... but I'm not....
I have made a decision about where to live...
I will move to 4 suburbs away in 2 1/2 weeks...
To a shared house with two others (3 when the owner is there)...
I have a bedroom and bathroom... and use of the common areas...
I can take my bed, and hopefully my recliner... A bedside table and a bookcase...
I can connect to the internet...
Instead of feeling good, I feel incredibly sad....
How do I take the 'I know it will be okay...' and really KNOW it???????
It is about a 20 minute drive back to where I live now, and where my 'community' is (mostly)...
5 train stations... if I take the train (I do have the car)...
I don't want to start again....
I don't want to learn to fit into a new community...
I don't want to be any more lonely....
I don't want to put most of my stuff in storage...
A friend said today... that it can take quite a time for our emotions to process and catch up with our decisions and thoughts...
I hope they do..... eventually......
It's okay to grieve for what is lost. It will be okay, but it will also be different. You know that you'll keep in touch with your current community, but they'll just be a little further away.
ReplyDeleteYou can only know it will be okay or not by doing it. I hope there are some hidden pleasant surprises about all of this change.
I'm glad to hear that you have the privacy of your own bathroom.
((())))
Yes, it's true that our emotions don't keep the same timetable as our more objective thinking.
(edited :-)