Thinking about death!

I have been thinking for some days about where to write...  there isn't always the appropriate forum - and sometimes the journal just doesn't cut it...

 One of my best friend's sons was killed in a pedestrian accident a week ago - he was 23, has a fiancee and they had just moved into their new house.  They had just got a lovely puppy!  The funeral was on Friday - moving, respectful, overwhelmingly sad... but with laughs as people remembered EXtreme Wes.

 I have had to see my counsellor some extra times during this period - it is a little unclear if his death was a suicide or not, and that triggers stuff for me - what about when I want to? 

 Then there is all the stuff about how I may want to be remembered if/when I die?  Who plans the funeral? Where do I want to end up? Does it really matter?  Right now it seems to matter.... I will put some stuff down on paper... soon... this week???

 And then there is my dear friend who is suffering such deep wrenching grief... she and her husband and family and the fiancee...  and yet I miss her - normally I see her even if just for a few minutes, most days, as she works at the office next door to the community shop where I hang out a bit.  What do I do with my grief about that?  And my shared grief with her?  I said on Facebook.. I want to come and sit in the silence with sack cloth and ashes....

 It all bloody hurts - and I guess looking to 'make it go away' isn't the aim...but to sit with it ... to allow it to be... to 'be' in it...  and it is lonely.....

 PS - I am back in some contact with my friend referred to in the previous post... it will take time to build bridges.