I have been thinking a lot about friends over the past few days... after having had a significant series of misunderstandings with a significant friend...
When this happens... is it possible to negotiate through to a place of mutual trust again?
When this happens... is apology enough, especially when the mistakes on my side were unintentioned and unknown?
When this happens... how do I process the hurt and sense of betrayal... how do I move to a place of forgiveness?
I need my friends... do I need them too much? Is this part of my mental illness? Is knowing how to respect others' boundaries something we learn through social conditioning? Or is it something that we struggle with through errors and corrections for a considerable time? Until we die?
I don't know how to begin to mend this friendship that has been wounded and I'm not even sure that my friend wants to...
I am very sad about that...... and my heart hurts... and my mind has been racing about how I could have done things differently.. which I know isn't helpful in the long run.
I remember, when I was in Madagascar... and had made yet another cultural mistake... the words came to mind that 'the blood of Jesus covers a multitude of sins...' I had a picture of putting my mistakes with Jesus, and trusting that those I had offended or hurt, would forgive and forget.... Guess I could do that now...
Is your friend talking to you? If so, can you talk about how it might work better next time? That might demonstrate to the friend that you want to be sensitive to her feelings in future. I suppose these are the times when friendships are tested. I hope it can be mended as the friendship must mean a lot to you.
ReplyDeleteI know someone who recently mended a rift with her former best friend. They hadn't spoken in about 10 years because each thought he/she had wounded the other and was too embarrassed to do anything about it. I was so glad that one decided to do something about contacting the other.
take care ...
We aren't talking at the moment, because we live some distance apart.. but I'm hopeful that I will be able to contact her by phone on the weekend... I hope I have the courage. Thanks for your warm thoughts of encouragement...
ReplyDeleteI hope this works out. I'm sure that you've been a good friend to her in many other ways.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you do have the courage. It is still hard.