Contentment?????

4.45. 26.06.2011. Sunday...

 What do you hope for?
 What do you seek?
 What do you long for?

 One of the longings of my heart is 'contentment'.....
 An ability to be 'okay' with where I am, and what I am able to do, and my friendship networks...

 I have been thinking about loneliness this afternoon - about that ache for connection, that I believe exists in each of us, but for some of us, for whatever reason... the connections we have, never feel enough...

 I guess that says that the connections are not at fault, but rather something about how I am able to hold them, and trust it them...

 There have been a few changes (and changes ahead) in the availability of a couple of significant connections for me...  It hurts....

I know that things will settle into the new rhythm... I know that having a partner doesn't necessarily mean connection either... I know that somehow contentment with myself and my own company, must come from within, if it isn't to frighten other people away.... but it hurts.

 And on top of all that... how am I going to be able to get the windows cleaned in my house, when I am moving in 5 weeks...?  It is one job, I just can't do...

 I need something today... and I don't even really know what it is...